Sta.sh
lease don't open!
k!
Are my settings really that complicated? I have been sitting here for a good 10 minutes while the little blue popup box enthusiastically tells me it’s loading my settings and the computer makes rhythmic grinding noises.
“What’s going on in there.” I wonder, “Is the computer masturbating, or are all it’s individual components participating in an orgy?” I have seen the inside of a computer. Everything fits into everything else. I can picture it, the little cables and wires pushing eagerly onto the motherboard and the backs of the cd drive and hard drive. If they were humans you could sell the footage online.
But no, nobody’s that coordinated. If it were a compu-orgy there would be several different rhythms, and this is one unified rhythmic noise. It’s the computer, masturbating all by himself, alone, lonely. Interrupted by my annoying demands for him to perform inane tasks, he lazily throws the “loading your personal settings” box on the screen and continues the job at hand…
Or maybe not.
Maybe the computer is having an argument with itself. I imagine what the enthusiastic blue popup box would say if it was kept up to date.
Loading your settings…
Decided not to load your settings…
Taking a vote…
Tallying…
Loading your settings…
Protesting and demanding a recount…
Recounting the votes…
Compromising…
Decided to load your settings at half speed with a coffee break every 5 minutes…
Loading your settings…
What’s This! With a sudden increase in the intensity of the grinding noises the computer has loaded my background onto the screen! The grinding increases with spasmodic intensity as my icons load on the desktop. The loading settings box is replaced by the quickscan window as the noises slowly, gently decrease and I am left with a contently humming computer and the vague feeling as though I have witnessed something very personal and slightly embarrassing.
…Maybe next time I’ll go get a cup of tea or something as the computer loads …
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I get the feeling i'll quote this when the college computers aren't loading fast enough...Or at least direct people to this deviation.
“Is the computer masturbating, or are all it’s individual components participating in an orgy?” I have seen the inside of a computer. Everything fits into everything else. I can picture it, the little cables and wires pushing eagerly onto the motherboard and the backs of the cd drive and hard drive. If they were humans you could sell the footage online.