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Are my settings really that complicated? I have been sitting here for a good 10 minutes while the little blue popup box enthusiastically tells me it’s loading my settings and the computer makes rhythmic grinding noises.
“What’s going on in there.” I wonder, “Is the computer masturbating, or are all it’s individual components participating in an orgy?” I have seen the inside of a computer. Everything fits into everything else. I can picture it, the little cables and wires pushing eagerly onto the motherboard and the backs of the cd drive and hard drive. If they were humans you could sell the footage online.
But no, nobody’s that coordinated. If it were a compu-orgy there would be several different rhythms, and this is one unified rhythmic noise. It’s the computer, masturbating all by himself, alone, lonely. Interrupted by my annoying demands for him to perform inane tasks, he lazily throws the “loading your personal settings” box on the screen and continues the job at hand…
Or maybe not.
Maybe the computer is having an argument with itself. I imagine what the enthusiastic blue popup box would say if it was kept up to date.
Loading your settings…
Decided not to load your settings…
Taking a vote…
Tallying…
Loading your settings…
Protesting and demanding a recount…
Recounting the votes…
Compromising…
Decided to load your settings at half speed with a coffee break every 5 minutes…
Loading your settings…


What’s This! With a sudden increase in the intensity of the grinding noises the computer has loaded my background onto the screen! The grinding increases with spasmodic intensity as my icons load on the desktop. The loading settings box is replaced by the quickscan window as the noises slowly, gently decrease and I am left with a contently humming computer and the vague feeling as though I have witnessed something very personal and slightly embarrassing.

…Maybe next time I’ll go get a cup of tea or something as the computer loads …
The school computers take roughly three years to log on most of the time. It's very annoying, and sometimes results in strange ideas like the one that made me sit down and write this strange story.
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:iconmelanophrionsa:
Melanophrionsa Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2006  Hobbyist Photographer
Authought I didn't laugh outloud (as I haven't for a long time now), I laughed extensively on the inside...

I get the feeling i'll quote this when the college computers aren't loading fast enough...Or at least direct people to this deviation.
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:iconpanther-nora:
Panther-Nora Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
I had a lot of fun writing it. I'm glad you enjoyed.
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:iconshinoki87:
Shinoki87 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2006   Writer
Oh that's great. Actually that reminds me of a website that a friend showed me years ago. It was furniture pron, where this person would take pictures of chairs and stuff in different poses with other things. It was quite the odd site.
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:iconpanther-nora:
Panther-Nora Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2006
I saw a site of x-box controler porn once, it was hilarious, and might have been perculating through my brain and helping me write this.
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:iconadstantes:
adstantes Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2006
hahahahaha
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:iconpanther-nora:
Panther-Nora Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2006
I'm glad you liked it! :)
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:iconadstantes:
adstantes Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2006
I love this paragraph, it's really fantastic.

“Is the computer masturbating, or are all it’s individual components participating in an orgy?” I have seen the inside of a computer. Everything fits into everything else. I can picture it, the little cables and wires pushing eagerly onto the motherboard and the backs of the cd drive and hard drive. If they were humans you could sell the footage online.
Reply
:iconmezrastorm:
MezraStorm Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2006
Wow, that's hilarious. I had never thought of that. I'mma share this with tha folks at school.
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:iconpanther-nora:
Panther-Nora Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2006
I'm glad you found it funny! Did the people at your school like it?
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:iconmezrastorm:
MezraStorm Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2006
I can't print anything right now.. it keeps printing the source code. :( Maybe it will work now.
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:iconpanther-nora:
Panther-Nora Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2006
Maybe you can copy-paste it into a word document?
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:icondtmf-king:
DtMF-King Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2006   Photographer
You know it is nice to be able to set you profile to look as though you want it to but maby it is too much a strain on the Domain Controler in it's current state. People are always stating how long it takes, and asking "Jeremy make it load faster", well untill we get a new server from this point on user profile settings are void. Understand this is not a retailation for your writing it was very creative, I like the prospective.
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:iconpanther-nora:
Panther-Nora Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2006
Any idea when we'll get a new server? I havent noticed any improvement in logon time since the voiding of user profile settings... but I realy havent been paying that much attention.
Thanks for the comment, I'm glad you liked.
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Submitted on
March 16, 2006
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